Supposed to be???

As today, the date of what would have been Darin’s and my 20th anniversary has been approaching, I have had to keep pushing back the thought, “I am supposed to be celebrating a 20th anniversary with the love of my life instead of being a widow for a year and a half now. We were supposed to live to at least 85 to celebrate a 50th anniversary.” I have been dealing with some sadness lately. I am unsure if that is because of the upcoming anniversary date, out-of-whack hormones, or maybe a combination. However, I do know that a lack of time in God’s Word has left me with some thoughts, feelings, and attitudes that are not biblical or glorifying to Him. BUT, God is SO amazing. As I have gotten back into the habit of starting my day with Him, in His Word, He has brought the correction and reproof that I have needed. He has reminded me of some things.

For one thing, my life is NOT about ME… That is antithetical to what our world and culture put forth today. It is easy for Christians to let ourselves get sucked into that way of thinking. I don’t want to be washed along in that current however. It does NOT result in peace and does not bring God glory.

In addition, I am supposed to be EXACTLY where I am right now. God has a plan and purpose for me in this very stage of life that HE has ordained for me. When I whine and say things like, “I’m supposed to be having a 20th anniversary”, that shows a lack of faith in the sovereignty of God. That’s not what I want my life to reflect. I want it to reflect the absolute sovereignty, grace, and mercy the Lord has for me.

Finally, while I am sad and missing my amazing husband and thinking about the goals and hopes we had for that 50th anniversary celebration, he is currently in the presense of King Jesus. When I join him in that presence, either when I die or when the Lord returns, we will be celebrating the marriage feast of the Lamb, a far greater celebration than we could have anticipated for our 50th anniversary.

I am not writing this as an appeal for sympathy or attention for myself. I just want to share that for those who belong to Christ, when we turn to God’s word and trust His sovereignty, His peace that passes understanding WILL guard our hearts and minds in Christ Jesus.

Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all comprehension, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”

Philippians 4:6-7 NASB1995